Buhtt sex?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
