dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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