And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
