Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
