I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
