doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
