my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
