Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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