after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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