I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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