I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
