some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
