the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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