And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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