This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My dick has a subreddit
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
