the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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