I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
