He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You're a waste of cheezeits
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
