I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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