I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
