i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
