I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
