I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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