Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
birth control should be required to get into college
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
