Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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