cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
