That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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