nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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