Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
4 words: hood of his car
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You can't just leave with hair like that
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
