My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
