and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
