i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
