u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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