All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm sobbing to NWA
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
