You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
