so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
did you just send me my own nude
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
