I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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