I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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