you traded sex for a burrito?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
