I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
