Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
