Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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