he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
