i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
