i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
