Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
A+ Viking dick
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
