We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
