ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
