you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
