she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
