Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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